Bottomline

"The exhausted bird remains exuberant" Pen, Ink, Watercolor, 2008

So this week has been challenging in many ways for me. I am really trying to focus on my health in a holistic way, bringing about transformation from the inside (physically and mentally);

I have been cutting down on sugars and most gluten, and really making a conscious effort to listen to my body, observe and document everything that I eat, and how it makes me feel. Now listen, if this sounds a bit obsessive and unnecessary, get this:

I have been in and out of doctors' offices for about 3 1/2 years now. My symptoms are:

fatigue

violent mood swings

weight gain

muscle and joint pain

stomach aches

irregular and ridiculously long, heavy periods

back pain

frequent colds

frequent canker sores

yeast infections

and others...

I know this doesn't necessarily paint a pretty picture of me, but the bottom line is, I haven't been feeling well, and all I get from doctors is: "You have IBS, eat more fiber" or "you have polycystic ovarian syndrome, shove some birth control down your throat and that should do the trick"!

People are supposed to take charge of their own health; I get that. But if I google my symptoms, or try to figure out on my own what is wrong with me, I get FLOODED with so much information, that it becomes a painstakingly overwhelming, I just want to give up and have some tiramisu kind'a effort.

I am learning that there is no one solution that will work here. I have to stop, focus and listen. This is a lifestyle kind'a thing. It will take the right doctor, some nutritional supplements, EXERCISE, water (tons of it), OPTIMISM, meditation and PRAYER.

And I must allow myself to realize that trauma can and most times will affect a person's health. And whatever ways I choose to deal with my mother's death, I am learning that its not wrong, or innapropriate, or bad of me to feel and express the pain. The key here, is not to inflict more pain on myself while trying to deal with it. It is counterproductive, and it will take some work.

Her strength and determination still live in me, and I know I will succeed. No mountain was ever to high for her to climb, and the same goes for me.

Thanks for reading!