Bottomline

"The exhausted bird remains exuberant" Pen, Ink, Watercolor, 2008

So this week has been challenging in many ways for me. I am really trying to focus on my health in a holistic way, bringing about transformation from the inside (physically and mentally);

I have been cutting down on sugars and most gluten, and really making a conscious effort to listen to my body, observe and document everything that I eat, and how it makes me feel. Now listen, if this sounds a bit obsessive and unnecessary, get this:

I have been in and out of doctors' offices for about 3 1/2 years now. My symptoms are:

fatigue

violent mood swings

weight gain

muscle and joint pain

stomach aches

irregular and ridiculously long, heavy periods

back pain

frequent colds

frequent canker sores

yeast infections

and others...

I know this doesn't necessarily paint a pretty picture of me, but the bottom line is, I haven't been feeling well, and all I get from doctors is: "You have IBS, eat more fiber" or "you have polycystic ovarian syndrome, shove some birth control down your throat and that should do the trick"!

People are supposed to take charge of their own health; I get that. But if I google my symptoms, or try to figure out on my own what is wrong with me, I get FLOODED with so much information, that it becomes a painstakingly overwhelming, I just want to give up and have some tiramisu kind'a effort.

I am learning that there is no one solution that will work here. I have to stop, focus and listen. This is a lifestyle kind'a thing. It will take the right doctor, some nutritional supplements, EXERCISE, water (tons of it), OPTIMISM, meditation and PRAYER.

And I must allow myself to realize that trauma can and most times will affect a person's health. And whatever ways I choose to deal with my mother's death, I am learning that its not wrong, or innapropriate, or bad of me to feel and express the pain. The key here, is not to inflict more pain on myself while trying to deal with it. It is counterproductive, and it will take some work.

Her strength and determination still live in me, and I know I will succeed. No mountain was ever to high for her to climb, and the same goes for me.

Thanks for reading!

Renewal

Pen and Ink Drawing-
"Vitality Bursting out of Sick Pores"-2005 drawn after my mom passed away, and when the emotional pain began translating into physical suffering;

Proverbs 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine,

but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

So true! And as I embark on a journey to transform my body (from the inside), I realize that POSITIVITY is playing a major role on my recovery to health. In grad school, I've learned about negative cognition, and how it contributes to an person's depressive state, which seems pretty common sense: you think bad, you feel bad- Optimism seems to be the type of thing that you inherit, or learn at a very young age. If I believed that optimism was a personality trait that could not be changed, I would be out of luck! I USED TO BE a huge pessimist!! But I can change, I can learn, and honestly being cynical about stuff has caused nothing but discouragement and disappointment, so enough is enough. This journey has taken a couple of years now, I have been rediscovering myself through Art (which is undoubtedly a gift from God, and the simple awareness of this has opened up an avenue for TRUE connection and self-assessment/awareness). Now it' time to listen and respect my body, (this is LONG overdue) but I want to start giving special attention to this issue of staying positive. I am going to read Michael J. Fox's new book to give me a good first taste on this, and will let you know what else I find out...
In the mean time, please pray that my nutritional efforts will remain strong, and that my husband's patience won't run thin with the upcoming 3 MONTH ELIMINATION OF SUGARS that I am about to endure. (More on this to come)
Here is the link to Michael's book:

Always Looking Up: The Adventures of an Incurable Optimist

Baby Shower Gift

Ok, so I'm hoping I am not ruining the surprise by posting this before the actual baby shower, but I just can't help myself. In one of my hyperfocus episodes (adult adhd, no medication, just a VERY patient husband will do), I decided to make this for Amy, my host sister who put up with my teenage tantrums for a whole year, while I studied English in the U.S. as an exchange student 15 years ago; Needless to say, she deserves the best the world has to offer after being traumatized by my presence during her tender adolescence, so I tried my best!

check it out...